student well-being

Boredom is Essential

This opinion piece, A Packed Schedule Doesn’t Really ‘Enrich’ Your Child, by Dr. Shalini Shankar, professor of anthropology and Asian American studies at Northwestern University makes many excellent observations, including that “there are good reasons to give children time to be bored.” Ms. Shankar invites parents to pause “before return[ing] children to their hectic pre-pandemic schedules.”

Achievement pressure and packed academic and extracurricular schedules all constructed for the college admissions’ race have long adversely affected kids’ mental health.

Unrelenting schedules have stressed kids and parents alike and saddled college students with unfathomable amounts of student loan debt. And despite all the exhaustive efforts by students and parents, employers bemoan college graduates’ lack of listening, communication, critical thinking, problem-solving and interpersonal skills.

I invite parents to take their own and their kids’ time back. Unstructured time is essential for human thriving. Time to sleep; space to practice stillness; room to connect with our interests; and freedom to become curious about our connection to the community around us.

Boredom provides an opportunity to connect with our inner voice. It is a gift to explore what makes us come alive.

Boredom is essential.

~~~~~

[ Interested in learning more about the impact of academic pressure and packed schedules on our kids? Watch my 2021 Illinois State PTA Convention mini keynote, Our Kids Were Not Alright Before the Pandemic. A Call for Renewal and Renovation ]

[Image credit: Cottonbro on Pexels]

When you pay attention to boredom it gets unbelievably interesting.
— Jon Kabat-Zinn

Our Kids Were Not Alright before the Pandemic. Renewal & Renovation.

Our Kids Were Not Alright before the Pandemic.  Renewal & Renovation.

In her invitational 2021 IL PTA Convention mini keynote, A Call for Renewal & Renovation, On Balance Parenting's founder, Dagmar Kauffman, reflects on the state of our youth and education system before the pandemic. An encouragement to examine our inner and outer values and our culture's definition of success. A call to focus on human-centered, personalized, student-directed learning so all children and communities may thrive instead of returning to ‘normal’.

Colleges, Choices and Character

 It’s that time of year. College applications and essays are being written and submitted. Students and parents are inundated with an overwhelming number of e-mails and informational brochures from colleges and universities. E-mails with catchy subject lines and four-color glossy brochures in inboxes and mailboxes. Information overload!

University selection can be overwhelming as it is hard to discern which selection criteria to consider. To that end, I invite you to reflect on (1)  trends in college and university student recruitment; (2) information on tuition, student debt, and employment prospects;  and (3)  why college rankings should not be a major consideration in college or university selection.

 Ranking Prospective Students Before They Apply

An increasing number of colleges and universities install cookies on students’ computers while they are browsing their admission pages to track students’ online browsing habits including family income. According to this review by The Washington Post “at least 44 public and private universities in the United States work with outside consulting companies to collect and analyze data on prospective students, by tracking their Web activity or formulating predictive scores to measure each student’s likelihood of enrolling.”

Data collected includes high school transcripts, test scores, zip codes, ethnic backgrounds, web browsing histories and household income. The data is then used to rank prospective applicants with the scores from 1-100 indicating how much attention a particular candidate will receive in the application process.

In times of high operating costs and reduced government funding as colleges/universities struggle financially to stay afloat, college admission offices are now tasked more than ever with recruiting consumers who can pay full tuition. Among the institutions that track data of prospective students and/or use predictive analysis to score students are Illinois Wesleyan University, Indiana University, Marquette University, University of Kentucky, University of Mississippi, University of Wisconsin-Stout, Vanderbilt University, Virginia Tech and Western Kentucky University.

Tuition costs, Student loans, Employment prospects

According to the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES), annual undergraduate education costs (tuition, fees, room, board) at public four-year institutions rose 31 percent between the 2006-07 and 2016-17 academic year. Student loan debt is at an all-time high, and the “average student borrower will owe about $34,000 upon graduation.”

In addition to ballooning tuition costs, rising student loan debt, graduates experience a diminished return on their investment due to “significant skills mismatches between graduates’ abilities and jobs available.”

College Rankings

In considering colleges and universities, evidence suggests that a student’s successful college experience is based more on engagement within the college than on where one attends.* Rankings do not provide  prospective students and their parents with valuable information. As a matter for fact, college rankings are problematic because they measure and arbitrarily weight criteria that have little or no bearing on academic quality or student learning outcomes.

This article outlines the problems associated with the rankings designed to measure ‘academic quality’ well. Among the problematic measures and their respective weights are alumni giving (5 %), smaller class size (8%), SAT & ACT scores (7.75%), faculty salary (7%) and academic reputation (20%).

Academic quality is not only a completely subjective measure but it is surprising to find out how U.S. News measures the “reputation through a survey it sends out to more than 4,000 college presidents, provosts and admission officers.” How do you ask do the chief academic officers have any idea about the quality of other institutions or the ability to objectively rate them? They don’t.

Faculty salaries have no bearing on the quality of an instructor’s teaching ability. And more often than not, high-paid faculty will not be actually the ones teaching undergraduates.

SAT/ACT scores are used by colleges to bump up their “student excellence” ratings. Students get rejected based on their test scores, “turning the rejection of students into an institutional asset.”

And while smaller class size might make initial sense in affecting academic quality, colleges often manipulate average class size by “capping initial class size only to allow more students to enroll later” when the college’s initial class size numbers have been submitted.

And finally, alumni giving is another problematic criterion in determining academic quality. U.S. News says the measure “indicates student satisfaction and continued engagement with the school.” Just this year, the University of California-Berkeley was dropped from the rankings because they had submitted incorrect data. And interestingly enough, no one would have discovered this if it had not been for the university informing U.S .News.

Character

Throughout the college application process, we need to keep in mind that colleges and universities are businesses that are focused on their bottom line. We need to acknowledge that college rankings provide little usable information and carefully weigh tuition costs and the impact of loan commitments on our kids.

We need to know that engagement in college is much more critical than the college  or university our kids attend. *

We need to ensure that our kids know deep in their hearts that we-their parents and caregivers-love them regardless of where they attend college. I invite you to read the letter that these parents wrote to their son, which is included in this article, How to Survive the College Admissions Madness by Frank Bruni.

And finally, we are wise to remember to love our kids for who they are. Our kids’ worthiness and character are not determined by their choice of college. And neither is ours.

References

 * Challenge Success. (2018) . A ”Fit” Over Rankings. Why College Engagement Matters More Than Selectivity. White Paper. http://www.challengesuccess.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Challenge-Success-White-Paper-on-College-Admissions-October-2018.pdf

 

The Opposite of Love is Control - My Podcast Interview

roman-kraft-XdbUsFkAwqA-unsplash.jpg

Positive Alternatives Podcast (November 1, 2019)

Our interview with Dagmar Kauffman - Founder of On Balance Parenting, Collaborator, Peaceful Warrior, and Educator of Educators. We discuss how young people are losing out on the opportunity to grow and learn from their mistakes when parents step in and fix what may not really be broken.

Last week I was honored to be interviewed Doug Petit of Positive Alternatives Podcast. My heart-felt thanks for Doug’s sincere curiosity, deep listening, and mindful questions. It is such a gift.

Reclaiming Naperville Students' Humanity

Naperville.JPG

Another school year is settling into a rhythm. Nearby, the middle school band has taken up practice, and depending on the direction of the wind, music drifts across the field to my study. Friday night lights at the high school down the street flood across the field to our house. New beginnings, and a sense of hope is pervasive: resource fairs, volunteer sign-ups, student and parent orientations, teacher in-services and assemblies, staff and board meetings. Curriculum nights. Homecoming! We are excited for the school year ahead.

All the excitement though does not dispel some of the unease that lingers in the air. Alongside top rankings that Naperville school districts routinely garner, there is the uncomfortable truth that many of our students are chronically stressed, anxious, depressed, and a number of our kids have died by suicide. 

Perfectionism. For well over a decade our Naperville students have continued to articulate the pressure of high expectations and perfectionism. Focus group interviews conducted by the Naperville Collaborative Youth Team (CYT) in 2006 identified three top student stressors: 1. perfectionism, 2. academic, athletic and material competition, and 3. over-involvement in extra-curricular activities. Students at that time commented:

       At age 12 you've got to have a life plan. Sometimes I just wish I could be a kid.  ~H.S. student

      Parents tell you to be 'your best,' but they really mean to 'the best'.  ~J.H. student

State of the Kids Survey. In 2017, a survey of almost 4,700 7th and 10th graders in Naperville showed that 26% of 7th graders and 42% of 10th graders experience high levels of daily stress. Students reported their top stressors as: 1. School: homework loads, parental and personal pressure to get good grades.  2. Competition: athletics, academics, extracurricular activities; competition with peers. 3. Peers: worry to fit in; approval by peers; bullying; lack of significant other. (Watch NCTV17’s video of the Jan. 30, 2018 results' presentation here.)

In addition, 50% of Naperville students surveyed suffer from chronic stress, i.e. that they were experiencing daily stress that makes it "difficult to perform daily tasks due to anxiety, lack of focus, and inability to concentrate.” A Harvard University study on child development states that “excessive stress disrupts the developing brain’s architecture” and has adverse effects on healthy youth development.

Illinois Youth Survey (IYS) Data. Newly released IYS 2018 mental health data for DuPage County show that 15% of all 10th and 12th graders have "seriously considered attempting suicide" in the previous 12 months; and 26% of 8th graders, 29% of 10th graders and 31% of 12th graders felt "so sad or hopeless almost every day for two weeks or more in a row that [they] stopped doing some usual activities," in the past 12 months.

National comparison. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) in its 2016 report shows that nationwide 12.8% of students “had a period of two weeks or longer in the past 12 months when they experienced a depressed mood or loss of interest or pleasure in daily activities.” It is beyond alarming that students in DuPage County experience depressive episodes at over twice the rate of their peers nationwide.

How did we get here?  We have bought into the idea that there is a straight trajectory to “success,” which "begins with prepping yourself to be attractive to a narrow group of colleges." We have subjected our kids to unrelenting pressure to "succeed" and be extraordinary in as many ways possible with the singular focus to be admitted to a "good college” and obsess about college rankings. This very narrowly scripted path often begins before our kids even start school. It is a competition for best preschools, sports teams, drama clubs, gym & dance programs, desirable playgroups, and story times. And it is literally making our kids sick. At a recent forum on teen mental health Dr. Janice Kowalski, medical director at Linden Oaks Adolescent Behavioral Health shared that increasing and decreasing admissions in adolescent in-patient capacity directly correlated with the school term breaks and vacations. Beds fill during the school year and become available during the summer and other school breaks.

Adults are afraid.  During the panel discussion at the same forum, Angela Adamo, a panelist and WALK4Life student activist from Naperville, stated that the "adults are afraid to listen to us [kids]." Last year after the suicide of a classmate, Tessa Newman, then a junior at Naperville North HS, posted a petition on change.org, describing the pressure culture she and many of her classmates experience. Tessa reported that she almost did not want to attend school the day after the death of her classmate because she did not believe that the staff was interested in what students had to say. In an interview with the Naperville Sun, Tessa explained that "All they [staff] want to hear is that we're okay." 

Our kids are not okay.  Our kids are sharing their truth with us. And yes, their truth is hard to hear for all of us. It hurts deep down to know that many of our kids are chronically stressed, anxious and depressed. It is beyond heart-breaking that kids in our city have died by suicide. It is understandable that we'd prefer our kids to say they are okay. It feels better. It is less complicated. In Naperville we are used to be ranked #1 for many of our students’ academic and athletic 'bests.' And while we value our students’ accomplishments, they have come at a high price. We all know in our bones that just below the surface of all the accolades, awards and glossy images of "perfect people," our kids’ well-being has been and is compromised. The question, What are we doing to our kids?, is a valid one.

What if we listened whole-heartedly?

Naperville students told us in the ‘State of the Kids’ survey that they wanted more sleep, more time, less homework. We are a community of educated and well-intentioned people who want the best for our kids. What if this school year, we were to be fearless and enacted transformational changes for the sake of our kids’ well-being and our community. What if we took a serious look at implementing later school start times and reviewing our students’ homework loads and workweeks?

Sleep deprivation is linked to anxiety, depression, thoughts of suicide and suicide attempts. In a October 2015 Stanford Medicine News Center report Dr. William Dement, MD, PhD, founder of the Stanford Sleep Disorders Clinic, states that “I think high school is the real danger spot in terms of sleep deprivation.” MEDPage Today reports that an average night of sleep less than 6 hours is associated with an increase in high schools students’ “unsafe behavior, including drinking and drug use, aggressive behavior and self-harm {…].”

Adolescents find it difficult to fall asleep before 11 p.m. In the same Stanford Medicine News Center report, pediatric sleep specialist Rafael Pelayo MD, of Stanford Sleep Disorders Clinic spells out the adverse effects of waking before adolescents’ natural sleep rhythms are completed: “[they] are being robbed of the dream-rich, rapid-eye-movement stage of sleep, some of the deepest, most productive sleep time,” during which the brain filters itself, consolidates experiences and learning.

In the American Academy of Pediatrics’s (AAP) call to delay start times for middle and high school students, it states that "adolescents who don’t get enough sleep often suffer physical and mental health problems, an increased risk of automobile accidents and a decline in academic performance."

Later school start times. In its recommendation for later school start times, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) "strongly supports the efforts of school districts to optimize sleep in students and urges high schools and middle schools to aim for start times that allow students the opportunity to achieve optimal levels of sleep (8.5–9.5 hours)," which improve physical and mental health, safety, academic performance and quality of life. It cites that "evidence strongly implicates earlier school start times (i.e. before 8:30 am) as a key modifiable contributor to insufficient sleep, as well as circadian rhythm disruption, in this population." 

The National PTA Association in its Resolution on Healthy Sleep for Adolescents supports the AAP's position that teens' sleep deprivation is "easily fixable" and points to the positive impact that modifying school start times have on students' physical and mental well-being, academic performance and quality of life and encourages school districts to "optimize sleep for students and encourage high schools and middle schools to aim for start times that allow students the opportunity to achieve optimal levels of sleep and to improve their physical and mental health, safety, academic performance, and quality of life."

Many schools in states around the country have implemented later school start times for middle and high schools. Successful transitions to later start times in Illinois include Clarendon Hills/Hinsdale middle schools in Barrington (District 181). Libertyville and Vernon Hills high schools (District 128) are set to start school at 8:45AM and end at 3:25PM starting with the 2019-20 school year. [Read nationwide case studies here.]

Workweek and Homework. And while delaying school start times for middle and high school students accommodates students’ circadian rhythms, Vicki Abeles, attorney and filmmaker of Race to Nowhere and Beyond Measure, is concerned that it does not ensure that kids will actually have enough time to sleep due to their unregulated workweek. She makes a compelling case to review our children’s academic and homework loads. Ables argues that students’ workweeks routinely exceed most adults’ 40-hour workweeks and adversely impact kids’ free playtime, which is essential to “their physical and mental health, and it helps them develop the social and decision-making skills they need in order to find fulfillment and success later in life.”

A recent white paper by Challenge Success affiliated with the School of Education at Stanford University, which “partners with schools, families, and communities to embrace a broad definition of success and to implement research-based strategies that promote student well-being and engagement with learning,” calls for shifting the conversation about homework from “quantity and achievement to quality and engagement.”

More time for play. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) emphasizes the importance of free, unstructured play in its August 2018 policy statement, The Power of Play: A Pediatric Role in Enhancing Development in Young Children. It recommends that pediatricians prescribe “playtime” for young children at every well visit as it develops children’s social, emotional skills and executive functioning skills that human beings need to collaborate and innovate.

Anxiety epidemic. Naperville is not the only place in the country where students feel the unrelenting pressure to “succeed” and suffer from stress, anxiety and depression. In large part, we have reacted to the anxiety epidemic by engaging in downstream* work. We have consulted experts, hired more counselors, social workers and psychologists. Counseling practices around our city are expanding and adding staff to provide much needed support. Naperville schools have been implementing important social-emotional-learning (SEL) components into student curricula and discussed the concepts of growth and fixed mindsets. This fall Naperville District 203 rolled out Signs of Suicide (SOS), a new suicide and depression awareness and education program for 6th -12th grade students. While these are all important and valuable initiatives and programs, none change the pressure-filled reality our students encounter on a daily basis and the definition of “success,” which traps them in a relentless hamster wheel.

Transformational Changes. What if we were to engage in even more upstream* work before our kids grow anxious, weary and wear out? What if we heard our students’ requests for more sleep, time and less homework? What if we assessed homework loads, student workweeks and tweaked school schedules? What if we enacted transformational changes that take the focus off grades and made room for authentic success, curiosity, creativity and engaged learning?

Definition of Success. What if we challenged our current definition of success that is about grades, GPA’s and test scores? What if we expanded the meaning of “success” to include student health and well-being, character, resilience, engaged learning and being truly prepared for the 21st century? What if Naperville schools joined Challenge Success’s network of over 150 schools in the country that have embarked on a path to “improve student health and increase learning and motivation.”

Challenge Success collaborates with schools, examines their site-specific needs and implements appropriate changes based on its SPACE framework:

  • Students’ Schedules & Use of Time

  • Project and Problem-based Learning

  • Alternative and Authentic Assessments

  • Climate of Care

  • Education for the Whole Community

Hearing and trusting our students’ voices.

What if we heard and trusted our students’ voices and together enacted transformational changes that reclaim their humanity?

We have surveyed Naperville students about the stress caused by perfectionism, academic, material and athletic competition for well over a decade. The tremendous academic pressure to excel at everything and the never-ending college-admissions race have habituated many of our students to feel “less than” all the time. The results of this strategy are in: Even with all their seeming advantages, our students experience the highest levels of anxiety disorder and depression of any socioeconomic group through increasing social and academic pressures, coupled with a lack of ability to be heard by us, the adults.

Let’s hear our students. Let’s trust their voices. Let’s reclaim our students’ humanity.

###

by Dagmar Kauffman, founder & executive director, On Balance Parenting.

© 2018 All rights reserved.

* The ‘downstream’ and ‘upstream’ metaphors are borrowed from Dr. Tina Bryson Payne’s presentation, The Whole Brain Child: No Drama Discipline on 9.26.2018 hosted by the Glenbard Parent Series.

Find resources for mental health disorders The National Institute of Mental Health

YOU ARE INVITED! Interested in talking with other parents & caregivers about the definition of “success”? Join us on April, 16th for Heart Talks: Parenting Courageously! a monthly conversation group. More info and free tickets here.

###

Last edited: 3.21.2019

The Vital Role of Social Connection in our Lives

Work and the Loneliness Epidemic

The above article, written by former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy in the Harvard Business Review, focuses on loneliness, the lack of social connection, as a "growing health epidemic."

Dr. Murthy reports that over 40 percent of Americans report feeling lonely, with research indicating that the real numbers may be even higher. People from all socioeconomic groups and ages suffer from loneliness, CEOs and students alike.

Research shows that loneliness is as toxic to our health and reduces lifespan as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. "[Loneliness] is also associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, depression, and anxiety." Dr. Murthy calls the human and economic cost of loneliness "profound."

We can be all part of strengthening social connections. Grab a cup of coffee with a friend. Stop by a coworker's cubicle and ask them about their weekend. Pick up the phone and call a friend or relative to simply say "hi."

Leave the cell phone behind. Listen attentively. Feel joy and the feeling of connection rise inside of you.

https://hbr.org/cover-story/2017/09/work-and-the-loneliness-epidemic

Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash

Lack of Sleep = Increase of Sadness, Hopelessness

"Make sure your kids eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep.

"This recipe seems like a no-brainer, but most teenagers are not taking care of themselves in these simple ways. Damour calls sleep the “silver bullet.” Adolescents are supposed to get nine hours of sleep a night. “Any amount under that,” she says, “and they’re going be more stressed, more reactive, and sadder.” Indeed, a new study shows that teenagers who lack adequate sleep are at greater risk of depression and suicide. The study found that “each hour of sleep lost was associated with a 38 percent increase in feelings of sadness and hopelessness among teens."